"Grit"
My husband and I were only married a few months before I got pregnant. We were very much in a honeymoon phase and I was so excited about having a child. When my son was 6 months old, I got pregnant again. Before I found out I was pregnant, I had decided to tell my parents that I was going to get divorced. Things were not safe at home for my son and me, and my husband was behaving more and more erratically. But because I was pregnant, I decided to stay. I thought I could make it work. When my daughter was 6 months old, there was no more grey area. I moved in with my parents, used savings to hire an attorney, and leaned on friends and family for emotional support.
The divorce was granted quickly, and I was awarded sole custody. I was completely heartbroken and grieving the loss of my husband and marriage. But I didn’t have time to really process. Now I had two children under the age of two who depended entirely on me. And I was working at a start up gym as a run coach and personal trainer. I had to earn more, get health insurance, and find and pay for childcare so I could work more. This felt overwhelming.
My father helped me navigate finding health insurance, doing my own taxes, and all financial decisions. My mother stepped in to help with childcare and also prayed with me. I found a babysitter through my fitness community who traded services with me; workouts for babysitting hours. My church provided me with an amazing small group of women to support me and a nursery to care for my babies. Another colleague in the fitness community hired me to do the fitness and nutrition for the staff at Canterbury Church. And my sister in law took me to a nutrition conference and helped me set up a business selling Juice Plus+. I was working three jobs and usually working 80 hours a week. But I was independent and able to provide my family with all of our needs. Above all, we were safe and together.
I was only a single mom for 2 years. And I had a huge network of support, love, and prayers. But what if I had been born in a different environment? What if I had not had parents that I could move in with? What if I had not had any savings or guidance on hiring a lawyer? What if I had not had people that loved me step in and tell me it was time for me to leave? Yes, I worked very hard. And I was determined to give my children everything that I could. But I also started with a major leg up.
When I saw a post about Mwana’s priority of family unity, I felt drawn to it. I learned more about the challenges that women in Congo face. I had gotten remarried and was at a point where I was able to give back; I wanted to be able to support these mamas in the way that I was supported. While geography prevented me from offering childcare, a cup of coffee and a play date or a bible study, I could still offer financial support and prayers. Mwana uses my monthly financial contribution to provide medical care, job training, and a home for these women and children.
We have been talking a lot about “grit.” Grit is defined as courage and resolve; a strength of character. I don’t think that grit can exist in a vacuum. I had the courage to leave my husband and step out on my own because people I respected told me that I was worth more. Loved ones gave me the courage to stand up against him. I resolved to work as hard as I needed to and provide everything my children needed. But I had the luxury of knowing that my children were cared for, and I had the education and training to get jobs. All of the mamas at Mwana have incredible grit. But they need community, love, and tangible support to be able to act on it.
If I could sit down with the Mamas starting out on their journey of independence or anyone going through a dark time, I would tell them to take one day at a time and look to the Lord. In Psalm 139:5, God promises that he hems us in, behind and before, and that He lays his hand on us. Nothing we experienced in the past is too hard for Him to redeem.
It is ok to not feel strong. God promises in Ephesians 3:16 that we will be strengthened with power through his Spirit in our inner being. Grit does not come from pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. Grit comes from recognizing the source of power in God. But more than power and strength, God promises love. Ephesians 3:17-19 goes on to say that, “Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, we may know that love of Christ that surpasses knowledge and we may be filled with the fullness of God.” God will heal the dark and broken places in our lives. His redemption enables us to love ourselves and in turn, love others.
Ann Stalvey, Mwana supporter and Advocacy Board Member